With mother's day and father's day coming and going, we have sure had a lot of stuff to think about and have shed many, many tears. We thought about the loss of our beautiful twin boys and how much we miss them each and every day. We thought about what we would give to hold them in our arms and raise them in this mortal life. We thought about who they would become and what they would accomplish throughout their life on earth. We thought about what kind of parents we would become to these beautiful souls. We thought about how we would feel about sleepless nights holding our boys as they need the comfort and care of their parents. We thought about what they would look like...would they get my hair and Ryan's beautiful blue eyes? Would they be athletic and musical all at the same time? We also thought about the blessings and experiences they brought in our lives for those short 16 weeks they were with us. We thought about what they have taught us about life, love and happiness. As we visited them at the cemetary, all these thoughts were at rest when I read this beautiful poem on a headstone of another lost child:
Don't Cry Mommy
Don't cry mommy, if your eyes could only see!
Your heart would be rejoicing to know what's become of us.
A simple veil between us keeps me hidden from your sight
but this side is transparent and we see you day and night.
On your side it may seem undending tears fall from your lash,
from this side it is clear that earthly time is but a flash.
Don't cry mommy.
Please believe your little twins (the name of the child was put here)
we're exactly where we need to be. Right now, right here in heaven.
Oh so much I wish to tell you!
But this much has been revealed...It's that we are yours forever,
because Mommy, we've been sealed.
(Of course the grammar and name has been changed to fit our twins)
This poem has brought me such comfort throughout this time. Although we still shed many tears throughout the days and the nights and we feel a little piece of our heart is always going to be missing and broken, Ryan and I know that they are ours forever. I wouldn't say that as time has gone on it has gotten easier, it has just gotten more bearable. I still get choked up and teary eyed when I see new babies with their moms or hear pregnant women talk about their pregnancies but I know our time will come and when it does, it will be amazing and beautiful to become parents to one of heavenly father's children again. We can't wait. We will always and forever hold a special place in our hearts for our twin boys and will always feel an unending love for them. I wish my hubby a late happy father's day and want him to know that he is going to make an amazing father someday. Until we meet again boys, mommy will try not to cry. (No promises though!)
Well a little bit ago was my birthday and I wanted to just make a little note to thank everyone for making it so special. Thanks to all of those who came over and celebrated it with me. It was great to get together and see you all. I have wonderful, amazing friends! Thanks to my family for coming as well. It was great to get together. And as always, thanks to my amazing husband for spoiling the heck out of me. Seriously, he got me so many presents that were unnecessary but I guess he just likes to spoil me :) Thanks Ry, my birthday was great!
Heavenly Father sure has tested our faith this past week. But with our faith and knowledge in the gospel, we have been strengthened to get through our trials. This past week we lost our two precious twins. We now have two beautiful guardian angels watching over us and protecting us. I don't want to go into too much detail as to respect Ryan and me at this time but we did want to thank everyone who has helped us get through this hard time in our lives. They were two beautiful twin boys that have fulfilled their mission on this earth and are now living with their heavenly father in pure happiness. We also know that they are hanging out with our lost loved ones having a party. We would like to thank the wonderful, amazing staff at Logan Regional Hospital, especially out nurses Judy, Emily, and Nancy and most importantly our amazing doctor, Dr. McCulloch. They made this process much easier to get through. We would like to thank our amazing family for all their support. They have been with us every step of the way and will continue to be with us throughout. We would like to thank our amazing friends for their kind comments. We are so lucky to have friends like you. Most importantly, I would like to thank my amazing husband Ryan. He has been my rock and knight in shining armor. (Or however you spell it.) He has strengthened me and has been there for me every step of the way. With his support, I can get through this time in our lives. He has taken care of me and made sure that every need of mine has been met. I love you Ryan and definitely could not have done any of this without you. But most, most importantly, we want to thank our heavenly father for trusting us with these beautiful twin boys. We know their stay was short, but their mission was fulfilled. Because of our heavenly father and the gospel, we know that when we pass on to the next life, our twin boys will be there to greet us and welcome us home. How comforting is that? We know that we will be a family forever and that comforts us. We love you boys and can't wait to see you again. Love, Mom and Dad
Hello all! It's been a bit since we updated our blog. Things are going well in our parts. The babes are growing on schedule. At our last appointment baby a was a day ahead of schedule and baby b was a day behind but the doctor isn't worried at all. It was really cute, when the doctor was trying to get their heartrates on the ultrasound, baby b was hiding from her. He/She kept bouncing around and hiding behind baby a. The doctor had a hard time getting the heartrate. As parents, we are already starting to deal with the fact we might have some stubborn kids. It is really neat to see them on the monitor and see them starting to look like actual humans. Ryan was really excited that they are not looking like wet rats anymore. He didn't like those pictures much. I have lost weight so my doctor gave me the orders to start putting weight on. I never thought I would ever hear that from my doctor :) Personally, I was excited to lose weight. I can never lose weight so this was an accomplishment for me. My belly is expanding and feeling weird. I think I have to face the fact that I need to get some new pants. I told Ryan the other day that the babes don't like it when I exercise. The other day when I was walking to school my belly felt really weird and got really tight. I took that as them telling me that they didn't like that. When I told Ryan that, he just laughed at me. Well, that is pretty much our life right now. Just an expanding belly and happiness for our two babes that are going to join our family. We have an appointment on the 25 with our doctor for a check-up then we have an appointment on April 4 to find out what we are having. Any guesses? Starting April 4 we have to see the specialist eveyr two weeks to measure the amniotic fluid level to keep an eye on the twins for twin to twin transfusion. We are keeping in our prayers that that doesn't happen. We hope that you are all doing well and we will keep you updated with our lives as well. Hopefully next appointment we will get some pretty cool pictures of the babes!
1+1=2!!!! That's right, our family of 2 become 4 September 1!!! We are so excited and can't wait for them to join us. We found out yesterday that they are identical twins so we will be getting either two boys or two girls. Either way, we will be happy. We are so blessed to have them in our lives now and we can't wait to meet them later. Here are just a couple pictures of our cute little buggers...
Here is Baby B (G2 as we call him/her). So far he/she is the less active one. During the ultrasound he/she didn't move much and put up with a lot from baby A. I wonder if this is showing personalities from them already? Cute profile pic though right?
Here is baby A (G1 as we call him/her). He/she is definitely the more active one right now. During the ultrasound he/she was bouncing all over the place. Just having a grand ol' time in there. He/she was kicking baby B and was just putting on a show for his/her mommy and daddy. What a cute profile pic right?
And here they are together, this picture looks more like blobs on a page but they are sure cute in our eyes....
Well, that is our exciting life right now and we can't wait to see what the future holds for our expanding family. We will definitely keep you updated as the time goes by.
Ryan and me and Temple Square seeing the lights. It was FREEZING that night but totally worth it. Temple Square is always beautiful! As you can see, we were prepared with out hot chocolate :)
Hey All! Wow, it has been a while since we last updated our blog. Well....things have been boring. I finished my first semester of Grad school and it felt great! I was pretty happy with how it all turned out. I was hoping for a little better but hey, we can't all be perfect right? I start up again Monday and I can't wait!!!! Ryan is still really enjoying his work and his co-workers. We have been living a pretty boring life lately. Not much happening. Well, we just wanted to say hi and let you all know we were still alive. Happy New Year!!!